Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
