Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
