I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
