just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
