Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
