East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
