At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
