also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
