she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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