Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
