I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
