Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
