I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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