apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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