drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think i have herpe
just one?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
