theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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