So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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