Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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