this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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