threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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