Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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