i don't like sucking hair
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
