there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
