hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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