he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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