After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize