I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
