I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
