Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who died my cat blue again?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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