forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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