Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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