i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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