you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
