Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
