shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
