your room smells of hookers.
And success
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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