And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it was like eating out sand paper
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
