I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize