There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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