i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You took a bar mat shot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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