Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
