i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
