whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
