We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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