You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
