wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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