1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dignity is for republicans.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my poor anus
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
