Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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