Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
