singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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