weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
