he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
