dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
