2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
