Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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