The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I want is dick and wine.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
