You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
