This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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