Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
