Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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