do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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