You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize