yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You're like the curious george of whores
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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