Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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