ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize