On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
