I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
