I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
