mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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