eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
