I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
