and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize