i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
