Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
