i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize