WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
