yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
