Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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