Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
