honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
