I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
