I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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