i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
