hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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