so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i barfeds in our rink
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
