drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
