she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
