worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
