Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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