Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
