Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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