so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
