He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They took my balls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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