I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
