I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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