he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
