I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
