You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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