Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize