he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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