So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
