Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
