butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is Oprah even human
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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