I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
