If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
