It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
