did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
